The Fallen and the Broken
by bretticus1218
Summary: Cas has gone MIA and Dean and Sam have no idea where he his, only that he did something terrible in heaven, so terrible that no one will tell them what it is. When the brothers finally find Cas, not only do they realize he's broken in ways thought impossible; he doesn't remember what he did. In fact, he doesn't remember anything. Only one word on his lips: sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

They thought that Nurse Carrington had fallen in love with the strange man the minute he was entered into the hospital. They _thought_ but they weren't sure. He was very easy to like, hardly ever got upset about anything, very amiable, _very_ handsome. No one really disliked him, Nurse Carrington the least of all. She was young and a little stupid, the other nurses laughed at her behind her back for the way she catered to the strange patient who had appeared out of nowhere; almost literally. But she was good at what she did, and the strange man seemed to be getting better. But when he wandered about the hospital, which he did practically all day, he looked as if a part of him was missing. Something he'd lost. And there was really nothing the doctors or the nurses, even Nurse Carrington, could do about it. But the patient was strange; everyone could agree that about him. Whenever he came into contact with Eloise, another one of their patients who was very religious, he would pat her hand and tell her that it was all for the best if she gave up now; no one was listening. And those eyes, so blue, so deep! Nurse Carrington could always be heard comparing them to the night sky, but even the older nurses agreed, there was something beautifully off about the man's eyes. Something that didn't quite hit the spot in the right way, something that made them cautious of the strange man. The man who called himself a "hunter" and had no visitors, no family to come and see how he was doing. He seemed to be alone.

So obviously the nurses were very surprised when two men came in one day asking for him. Well, they didn't ask for him specifically, no one really knew his name and that made it very difficult, but they described him perfectly. The gorgeous blue eyes, the tousled black hair, the passive expression most of the time, everything. The shorter one, with dark blonde hair, asked if he'd come with a trench coat, and Nurse Carrington, who had been working the front desk that day, told him that he had. So the blonde one smiled winningly at her and asked if they could see him.

Nurse Carrington grinned a bit shyly, she wasn't used to people paying attention to her like this. "Well, um, sorry sir, but really there's only family allowed right now, the young man's in a very delicate state."

"Uh, what do you mean by a delicate state?" The tall one with the long arburn hair asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Well he hardly knows anything. His own name even. He just sort of…..wanders about really." She sighed dejectedly. "We're having him transferred to a mental hospital soon, he's just about done with this place now."

"Listen, Beverly, may I call you Beverly?" The blonde one asked. Nurse Carrington nodded, blushing fiercely and he nodded. "Beverly, that man in there is our family, he's just about the last thing either of us have besides each other. We've been looking for him forever, if we came all this way just to lose him again….I don't know what we'll do."

It may have been his speech about their family or maybe just when he first said her name, but at whatever point, Nurse Carrington's heart melted. She bit her lip and nodded, picking up the clipboard that kept a track record of all the visitors that came to visit the patients. "Just sign in here." She said quietly.

"Thank you so much." The tall one said, picking up the pen and signing his name with a flourish. "We've been looking for him forever."

The blonde one signed his name too and Nurse Carrington took back the clipboard and glanced down at the two signatures. "Huh."

"Is there an issue?" The tall one asked.

"No, no issue. Just….never mind, I don't want to be rude. Are you Dean, then?"

He shook his head. "Sam. And that's my brother Dean."

The one called Dean seemed to study her. "Is there a problem?"

She shook her head. "No, just…..Winchester. Weird name."

Dean smirked. "A weird name for a weird family."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The two brothers walked down the hall but when they were out of the earshot of the nurse, Sam tugged on Dean's arm.

"Dean, are you…are you okay? Are you ready for this?"

Dean looked at Sam indignantly, as if challenging him to continue. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sam looked exasperated. "Dean, stop it. Stop with this act, this 'I'm fine' thing you have going on. You're not. I know you're not, ever since Cas went MIA almost six months ago. Don't pretend you're okay because I can hear you every night pacing and drinking and trying to get sleep."

Dean started to continue down the hallway. "Nightmares, Sammy. Frankly I'd be more worried if I didn't have them after all the crap we've seen in this lifetime. But it's got nothing to do with-,"

"Bullshit." Sam pulled Dean's arm back, forcing his older brother to face him. "You're worried about Cas, I am too! But…just prepare yourself okay? We know there's something wrong with Cas, okay we both know this. I—,"

"Actually, you know what, Sammy, we don't." Dean told his younger brother, clearly becoming irritated. "You know why? Because no one will freaking tell us. Everyone's quiet about what Cas did in heaven this time and here you are acting like this is going to be some big emotional trip for me when all I really want are answers. Is that so wrong? Cas was on our watch Sam, and we let him go, and whatever happened in Heaven, we're partially responsible for that too. So yeah, I'm worried, no, I'm not okay. But if you're acting like it's anything other than a search for answers then you're fooling yourself."

He started off down the hallway again, his feet pounding angrily on the ground but Sam stayed where he was.

"You know what he did, don't you." It wasn't a question and it made Dean stop fast. He wheeled around to face his brother who had his arms crossed. "You know what Cas did. I know you do, it has to do with what you guys were talking about that night. You know and you won't tell me, why Dean? What did Cas do that's so bad?"

Dean sighed and seemed to age before Sam's eyes, become smaller in an instant. "I don't know for sure, Sammy. But I have a feeling, and I hope to hell it's wrong."

Sam seemed to relent at his brother's words and he walked over to him. "Yeah, well, it's Cas. I guess we never know with that guy."

Dean nodded and slapped his brother on the back. "I thought I did I—I guess I thought a lot of things were different."

Sam reached out for the doorknob of the room they had just approached. 52, just like that nurse had said. He turned to his brother. "You good?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Let's just do this." He pushed past Sam and opened the door to reveal a standard hospital bedroom, with a cot in the corner and light gauzy curtains fluttering in the afternoon sunlight, making the room infinitely lighter than the hallway's fluorescent lights. It took the brothers a second to adjust but when they did, they saw a man standing, looking out the window in the sunlight. He turned at the sound of the door and Dean and Sam both almost took a step back. It was Cas alright, but he seemed so…so different. So…at peace? His eyes were calm and his dark hair just as tousled as ever but he seemed so much less in pain. He smiled at the brothers and walked over to where they were standing.

"Hello." He said pleasantly. "Who are you?"


	3. Author's Note

*************Author's Note****************

Sorry to interrupt the story like this but I completely forgot to tell you guys the backstory behind this fic; where and when we are! I figured I'd take a little break to talk about that for a second.

So basically imagine this fanfiction taking place in a separate season. After season 7 but not including season 8, kind of like a parallel universe where Dean and Sam (SPOILERS) aren't trying to close hell. Naomi is still a character but this isn't meant for any particular season. This is kind of an AU I guess? But it's not any particular season.

Headcannons: This fic will deal with the headcanon that Naomi is not an angel. I won't tell you what she's going to end up being, but right now, due to all the proof I have seen on tumblr and other sources, I am convinced Naomi isn't an angel. If you want more details on this subject message me or something, but this fanfiction deals with that.

Pairing: This fanfiction is going to end up being some Destiel if you have a problem with that I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

Hope you guys enjoy the rest of it and without further ado, chapter 3! (the real one)


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The Impala was in somewhat of a state at the moment, not because Dean hadn't demanded that Sam clean it, but because they'd been on the road for a long time and hadn't gotten the chance. Old food cartons, bullet cartridges, pages of notes on monsters they had thrown into the back seat when they'd vacated a hotel room. It wasn't worth mentioning to Dean, who would just tell Sam to clean the thing again, but the truth was that they'd been going non-stop since they heard Cas was missing. That was all they'd been doing, checking ever hospital, summoning every demon they thought might know where he was. It had all led to nothing. Until they'd happened to stumble upon Harmony Springs Hospital in Tulson, Alabama. There they'd found Cas.

Because of the state of the backseat of the car, Sam felt a little bad about tossing Cas in there, but they had to be quick in their escape plan. Dean had ushered the patient down the hallway while Sam kept a lookout.

"Come on, dude, you have to hurry up!" Dean had told Cas urgently.

"But…but I'm not supposed to," Cas had said, confused, peering around the brightly lit hallway. "I'm supposed to wait for the nice nurse, are you two nurses?"

Dean had rolled his eyes in annoyance but Sam could hear the pain in his voice. "Yes, you don't remember us but we've treated you before, right?"

Cas had studied Dean's face before nodding, not quite reassured. "Yes, I believe so."

"Dean," Sam had hissed from down the hallway. They hadn't had much time.

"You can trust us Cas," Dean had said and this time his voice audibly cracked with emotion. "You don't have to worry about that."

After that Cas hadn't talked anymore, just followed the brothers outside the hospital doors and into the waiting black car. He hadn't said anything as Dean had turned the keys and floored the gas pedal. They drove away from that hospital as fast as they could, swerving down country roads and back alleys to try and get as far away from the hospital as they could. Dean was stony for the entire ride and Sam was quiet too, not wanting to say anything to send his brother over the edge, knowing how hard he'd tried to find Cas for all those months, all the searching, all the late nights, everything. Silence was best at the moment, and even Cas seemed to sense that if he said anything it wouldn't end well. So they rode in silence until, well out of the city, Dean swerved off the abandoned road and splashed the nearby trees with all the mud from the side of the road. He jumped out of the car and quickly slammed the door, walking away from the car. Sam got out after his brother, stopping to help Cas out of the car, who still seemed to be weak. The bright hospital gown was getting wrinkled and when Cas moved to smooth it, Sam could see his once-steady hands shaking on the fabric.

When Dean turned back to face his brother and his angel, Sam could see his eyes were watery, but he looked away to ignore it.

"Alright, you bastard." Dean demanded, stalking back to the car with such a fury that Sam had to hold out his hand to Dean to make sure the man stopped before crashing into Cas. "Where the _hell_ have you been? We've been searching high and low for you and you just decide to….to take a vacation?! What the hell Cas? We needed you, all those months you thought you'd just take the time off, well no cigar buddy! I want answers!"

Cas looked upset and he looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry, I don't under—,"

"Bullshit, you understand perfectly! I want to know where you've been, I want to know why you didn't come when I called! What, is something more important than family now? Or did the angels just fine tune you so that you're all factory settings to go? Answer me, dammit!" He yelled, Cas flinching from the loud noise.

"Dean," Sam said, noting Cas' expression. "Dean…I don't think he knows what you're talking about."

"Don't say that Sammy, look at him!" Dean angrily gestured to Cas. "He thinks he's broken, but we've broken in ways he can't possibly imagine and I want answers right goddamn now!"

"I don't know, I don't know!" Cas said, his voice trembling a bit at Dean's fury. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. I just woke up in that hospital, I never meant to hurt anyone, I promise."

"Dean," Sam cut off his brother before he could say anything else. "Dean, I don't think he honestly knows who we are."

"Is that true?" Dean demanded, looking back at Cas.

"I'm sorry…I…I've never met you before. I feel like I can trust you but….I don't know who you are." Cas said, his voice trailing off towards the end of the sentence, looking off behind Dean, into the distance.

Dean swore. "There he goes. There goes our angel, our link to heaven, our—,"

"Don't talk like that." Sam said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get him back. He'll remember somehow, he'll figure out his angel mojo soon. We just have to help him, Dean."

"Oh, I think Castiel is beyond help." A voice from back on the road snipped. Dean and Sam whirled around instantly to see her standing there, as prim and proper looking as if she were ruling over them, as if they were beneath her. "Or, what's left of him as well."

"Naomi," Sam sad, anger seething through his voice, as if the name was a terrible insult.

She only smiled at him. "Hello Sam, hello Dean. Hello Castiel. My, my. How the mighty have fallen." She smiled at them, that venomous smile of hers, that could never mean good things were coming.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

~~Author's Note: I know I've been MIA for a while lately and I just wanted to apologize to everyone and say that here is the next chapter! Hopefully I can start updating regularly again and I hope everyone stays with the story and likes this next chapter! Finals have been a bitch but they're over now and I have my inspiration back so let's get to it! Enjoy!~~

The blanket was scratchy but undoubtedly it was the best they had. Dean had felt a pang of guilt every time he'd gone to check on the sleeping angel, but they had nothing better to offer. Dean wished they could have given him better. He shut the bedroom door in the cabin quietly, shutting out Cas' peaceful face. It had taken forever to calm the angel down and tensions were definitely not easily calmed on the ride over. Dean's hand curled into a fist, just remembering sharing a small space in the car with the first class bitch, Naomi. He and Sammy had been on edge the whole ride over, anyone would be, having an angel that everyone hated riding shotgun, who could poof them all to some dark recess of heaven at a second's notice was not fun. She'd given her word that she wouldn't try any tricks, her words had been "no funny business," but he hadn't believed her. Hell, why should he have? She had never told the truth before. Dean stalked down the hall of the small cabin, back to the kitchen. Sam glanced over at his brother, his eyes silently asking "you ok?" Dean ignored the unsaid question and looked over to where Naomi stood, her crisp, grey suit and sleek, tied back hair looking entirely out of place in Bobby's old hunting cabin. Sam was leaning against the counter in the dusty kitchen, but Dean could tell that his brother was just about as relaxed as he was. Naomi might seem passive right now, but the woman was like a gun silencer. Not loud, not showy, but just as deadly as a regular gun. Maybe even more so, because you didn't hear all your friends get shot and die around you until you were staring down the muzzle yourself. Until you realized it had been there the whole time.

Naomi looked at the Winchesters and nodded approvingly. "Thank you."

Sam's eyebrows furrowed. "Thank you? For what?"

"For finding Castiel," Naomi said it like it was obvious. "He's been eluding us. Finding him was a challenge. But it is good to know that he is safe."

"Like you care," Dean scoffed. "What are you going to do now? Whisk him back to heaven? Kill him? Well you'll have to get through us first, bitch."

"Dean," Sam warned quietly.

"No, Sammy, when has she _ever_ done us favours?" Dean demanded, heat rising in his face. All the pain, the anxiety, the fear that he had tried to bury down when they were searching for Cas was rising to the surface, and as he looked at Naomi standing calmly in Bobby's kitchen, he felt the need to wrap his fingers around her throat. Shaken by the sudden rise of anger, Dean turned around and furiously poured himself a glass of whisky. When he turned around and saw Naomi still standing there calmly, his temper began to rise again and he had to make a conscious effort to not spit insults at Naomi. He drank more whisky to occupy his mouth.

Naomi observed him, looking a little annoyed at his sudden rise of emotion, but her demeanor remained relaxed.

"I've never made you any promises," she told them. "I know you don't trust me but you are humans. It is hard to determine our feelings as you determine yours. I mean Castiel no harm. He is my family as much as he is yours, even more so. We are blood. He has committed wrongs, but they are forgiven now." She tried to smile at them but her smile looked a little strained.

Dean eyed her warily. "Is that so?"

"It is."

"Bullshit."

"Dean!" Sam warned.

"Don't you 'Dean!' me, Sammy, I'm calling her on her bullshit. She is going to kill Cas, I know it. I can feel it. She never liked him, she never liked us! Teaming up with her, it's like-,"

"Teaming up with a demon?" Naomi interjected. She smiled at how both the brothers instantly tensed. "I know their names, you know. Ruby. Meg. Demons, boys. And you teamed up with both of them. You've trusted many more unsavory characters, don't judge me on my past actions. I can promise you I mean you and Castiel no harm."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "And how can we know this? How can you give us any proof whatsoever that we can trust you?"

Naomi looked down at her hands then back at the boys. "What if I told you that I needed Castiel to save my own skin? Would you believe me then that I will not do him harm?"

Dean was surprised but he tried not to show it. "How can Castiel help you save your own skin?"

Naomi smiled briefly. "That is an angel matter, boy. Not for you to bother yourself with."

"But why won't you just kill him?" Sam asked. "It makes no sense, and I don't trust you."

Naomi smiled sadly at the two boys. "I know you do not understand angels, but in our culture it is against everything we are to kill what is already dead. What is fallen can only rise and all that."

Dean felt a drop in his stomach all the way to his feet, through the floor, to hell and back again. It couldn't be no...Cas said he wouldn't, Dean had made him promise! He-he'd promised!

"So you're saying," Dean swallowed hard. "You're saying that Cas..." His voice trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

Naomi nodded, sensing what he was thinking. "Castiel has fallen, in our terms, he-well, he is no longer an angel."


End file.
